Being 'greedy'

Today I bought two new books, "The New Bottoming Book" and "The New Topping Book", both by Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy. I was reading through them today as I was working and they both seem like they have a lot of good information for new and old players. One of the more interesting paragraphs that I came across in the Bottoming book was about being greedy. It's timely because I had a conversation today about being a greedy submissive with a man I hope will become at the very least an occasional play partner.

"'Greedy' is often used as a pejorative term, both outside the S/M communities and within them. We would like to propose the reclamation of the word 'greedy'.

"There's nothing wrong with wanting a lot; there's nothing wrong with getting a lot. In fact, the more you get, the more you have to give.

"In this book we want to teach you how to be a greedy bottom. A bottom who has acknowledged his or her needs and wants, and who is getting them met, is usually an open-hearted, generous, supportive bottom - and we're writing this because that's what we want you to be. Greed and generousity are two sides of the same coin: grasp it firmly and spend it well."

To state one's desires or needs within any relationship is important and healthy. The same holds true for a D/s relationship but it seems a bit like topping from the bottom for the submissive to stand there saying "I like this and this and this but am totally turned off by this." However, without that kind of information, a Dominant cannot prepare a good scene except by trial and error, and one can imagine the kinds of errors that could happen that way! "But my last submissive loved getting slapped across the face!" while this one may have deep emotional scarring from an abusive relationship. Communication is key, as always, and it's not greedy to want to be happy and to want whatever it is that gets you there.