And for the record, it is now 4:23 am on January 1st and I still have not received an email or a phone call. I phoned him today, during a bad moment after I left my parents' house in tears after snapping at my mother, and I couldn't get in touch with Guns. I left him a message, very casual and upbeat, just saying hi, happy New Year's, hope he's having fun with his family and friends and it would be great to hear from him and see how he's doing.

And in return I got - nothing. If he doesn't send me something later on today, at a normal hour when people should be up (and not just getting home from their New Year's parties), I will be incredibly disappointed and it will most likely lead to another day like today, where I didn't get out of bed until 1pm, and then I lay on the couch for 2 hours, staring at the ceiling and listening to music. Very apathetic behaviour, and behaviour consistent with being depressed.

Would it be better to know that I am clinically depressed? Or is it better to think that it's something that I can manage on my own, if I could only get my shit in gear?

And boy, am I glad that I am having this episode this week instead of next when I go back to school. Hopefully it will have run its course by then and I will be back to normal. Or is that called denial? At this point, I just don't know.