Haven't seen S since the last time I posted, but he's phoned me twice in the past two weeks or so, both times leaving me messages because I haven't been paying attention to my phone. Hockey and everything, ya know?

I've called him back once and left him a message saying that I'm going away in just over a week and it would be awesome to see him before I go, especially since when I get back, he's probably going to be back in Ontario working on a movie, and who knows when we'll see each other again?

I have a theory about him. Putting things together from what he's said and how he's responded to me, I think that he doesn't like it when a girl puts her interest "out there" too much. I think that even though I was trying to be extra careful about that, I still pushed a little too far and caused him to need space. Therefore, he either made up or embellished the reconciliation with his wife to push me away to an emotionally comfortable level. It explains the fact that he called me four days after dropping the bombshell, wanting to chat and be friends. It explains the fact that he called me five days after the bombshell, wanting to hook up. It explains why he now calls me when before he didn't. It explains why his wife cancelled his credit cards just a couple weeks ago. It explains why he is still in Vancouver and not back in Ontario. It explains why his wife is not in Vancouver. And it explains why the topic of his wife is off-limits now, when before he talked about her, and his marriage, and told me things the first night that we met that were pretty confidential.

Yeah. He thought I wouldn't figure him out, but being put at a distance gave me some interesting perspective. And ya know, I'm okay with things as they are. I am way too busy at the moment to want to devote a lot of time or energy to any one person. I don't require a lot of sex because I can get myself off a whole lot better than anyone other than S ever could, so hooking up occasionally for awesome sex is working out just fine. I don't even want to play these days - I've gone into one of my stages where I don't want a lot of physical contact with other people, and I've learned to trust these feelings because I've ended up before in situations where I have allowed physical contact and then felt really ... weird about the whole situation. Almost like it was non-consensual, even though it completely wasn't. Was. That last sentence is not doing well, grammatically. Anyway, don't care - it's 1:30 in the morning and either you'll understand my gist or you'll think bad bad things. Either way is a-okay.