I met a man last night, a friend of a friend of a friend. There were a few of us out for dinner and he came to join us for drinks and dessert. He's quite a bit older than me but we were flirting and it was fun to be testing the power of my flirt again. He came outside to keep me company while I had a smoke and he kissed me. It was alright. Nothing terribly exciting but I could probably suck it up for the lifestyle that he was promising me.

He has a boat and has invited me out on it when the weather gets nicer. I joked about wanting diamonds. When I mentioned that I would love to see an opera, he said he would take me.

He got a little too touchy-feely after the kiss - not inappropriately but when we were all sitting in the lounge after dinner he had his hand around my waist, stroking my skin under my sweater. Stuff like that.

I gave him my number and invited him to Y and M's party that happens tonight.

But.

S and I have been talking a wee bit over the last few days. I sent him a text just over a week ago saying, "I know that this is not what we agreed to but ... can I interest you in a booty call?" He called me about an hour later saying he had just seen my text and that yes, he was very interested but unfortunately he was on his way to work. We took a rain check.

This past Thursday it had been a week and he hadn't called (he works like a fiend!) so I sent him a text around 10pm saying, "Your choice. 1. You really have been working a lot. 2. You didn't mean it when you said yes to a booty call. 3. I'm touching myself and thinking about you... which one do YOU want to be true?"

An hour later, give or take, I sent another one that said, "oh! oh god! Ohhhh! Mmmm... you're good. Better in person though. PS. looks like option 3 was the right choice. *grin*"

My phone rang about 10 minutes later but cut out. I called him back but as soon as he answered it cut out. I think they must have been working somewhere with bad reception.

The next day he called me in the afternoon while I was in class, so he left me a message. I snuck out to the bathroom to listen to it and he said, "Hey it's me. Unfair tactics. I was at work all night and I had to think about that. Hmm. I owe you. Ciao."

To which I responded in a text: "Unfair tactics? No! It never occurred to me that I might be making things 'hard' for you... *giggle*"

I was driving home from dropping Y off last night and all I could think about was S. It's not fair to get involved with someone else when my heart is still given elsewhere. I felt really uncomfortable about the whole thing with this new man, so I slept on it and woke up today realizing that when he calls, I am going to have to step up to the plate and tell him that I am sorry but I am not ready to be in an intimate relationship with anyone right now. I thought that I was and I wasn't trying to tease him last night, but I realized when I got home that I was not ready and I'm sorry but I'm going to have to cancel our date for tonight.

It will be awkward and I'll feel like throwing up when it happens, but it's the only ethical way to move forward.