Him and the ex are "probably getting back together."

I was told this on the phone tonight. To give him credit, he did say that he hadn't planned to tell me on the phone. He had wanted to tell me in person.

It's just that I had made a comment that I guess he figured he couldn't let pass, being the nice guy that he is, so he dropped the bombshell on me. It's not like I'm surprised. I'm just disappointed. I knew it was a possibility but I thought it was a remote one ... I didn't think it would happen.

The moral of the story - do not get emotionally attached until divorce papers are signed. I held myself back from truly jumping in with both feet and while I did cry when we hung up the phone (I was mostly composed through the conversation) I talked with two of my girlfriends and realized that the best sex in the world can't make up for a guy who "just isn't that into me."

But damn, it's sad to realize that the best sex of my life is never going to happen again. There's a really good chance that I will never orgasm with another man again because it took me 27 years and more partners than I care to recount here to find one who could do the right things and have the right attitude that would allow me to relax enough to orgasm.

Guns thinks the fact that I found one means I should be hopeful that there are more, but I'm not. I think he was it, and it was a case of really shitty timing and she met him first. I can't even be angry with him because I completely understand where he's coming from and his reasons for acting the way he has. He was honest with me when he could have played me along for awhile.

I could wish that he was an asshole because it might be easier in the short term, but in the long run I'm glad that he does appear to be a stand-up guy.

I just wish ... that things were different. Lots of things. But - they're not. So shut up and deal, because life gives two options. Deal or die. So I'm dealing.