It's been too long since my last play session and I can feel myself getting edgy. It doesn't help that I have been chatting with a man who is all about OTK spanking and we seem to have the same ideas about spanking and severity and implements ... problem is that he doesn't live here. If he did I imagine that I would have thrown myself across his lap already and begged to be spanked hard - and if I understand him correctly, he would be more than obliging! *wink*

But I have all this pent up emotional energy that I don't have an outlet for. And my need to let someone else take charge is building. I tried to explain to my brother the freedom I feel at not having to make decisions when I am submitting to someone and he could only respond with "But you're so strong! How can you like someone else to be in charge?" I couldn't verbalize very well how I feel balanced at giving up the control in my personal relationship because I am so much the person in control at work. I am the go-to person, the fix-it person, the person who holds it all together, and I love that, but it's exhausting. To be able to come home and relax, knowing that I only need do what he expects me to do or asks me to do, creates the balance and fills me up with peace, leaving me able to go back to work refreshed.

Unfortunately, these days that need is also not getting met. I am so overwhelmed from too much stimuli that I came home from work today and took a two and a half hour nap. I don't want to answer my phone or talk to anyone today because I need to recharge my batteries and lacking a spanking to force all the emotion up and out of me, silence and tranquility are the next best options.

But damn, I can't help imagining a spanking with this guy. Wood paddle, leather paddle, plexi type paddle, rubber paddle (sounds big and bad and exciting), maybe a little cane ... I'm like an addict. I want a fix and I want it now! *lol*