Sir has booked my ticket - I am off to see him on January 4th!

"The best technique for pain-management does not involve ignoring or fighting the pain, but rather, moving into it. Instead of trying not to think of the pain, or railing your body and mind to fight against it, you have to submit to it. Water is one of the strongest forces on our planet. Its supreme strength resides in the fact that it is completely malleable and therefore unstoppable. When you need an image or way to think of yourself during these attacks, think of yourself, your whole body as water, unresisting, flowing. If you were to choose a traditional image of strength, like a rock for example, this would not be nearly as effective. Anything solid and rigid like a rock presents an ideal surface of resistance for other forces to slam up against, drill through, chip and crack, or, like water, to patiently and enduringly wear a path through. Whenever you resist something, you give it something to fight against, you provide it with the motivation to gather its stength and intensify against you.

"This is where you need to have some practise and control over your breathing, so that you can imagnie such a scenario whilst maintaining deep, even breaths. As you allow the pain to pervade every facet of your senses and as you accept it, welcome it, and begin to observe it, you will also being to realize that 'pain' doesn't have to hurt. As you let the pain take over and saturate every pore of your body, you will begin to recognize 'pain' as just another sensory input - a signal sent from your body to your brain, no more, no less. You will be able to sit there with the 'pain' washing over you in waves, but yet it won't hurt."

I took this text from a book that I am reading that has absolutely nothing to do with BDSM and yet I felt that these passages were dead on track about how to deal with pain. I have tried to absorb pain before when playing and usually when I can do so, and saturate myself into it, is when I reach subspace.

punished again...

Lying is bad.

Omitting details? Bad.

Hiding on msn? Bad bad bad.

I was only guilty of the last one ... although, had I gotten away with it, I would have been guilty of the first two. Perhaps it was better that I was caught on the attempt?

I was hiding from Sir because it was past my bedtime and I wanted to check my email to see if a particular email had reached me yet. It hadn't, which kinda makes it worse because now I am being punished. I forgot that he has two msn accounts and I only blocked one of them. I'm not very good at lying and sneaking around, but I think (I hope) that that works in my favour.

Sadistic bastard that he is, he made me wait for two days while he deliberated over my punishment. That's not really fair, though, because he wasn't sure what to do with me. I broke trust. Not a pleasant place all around.

Last night, the night before he left to go on another business trip, he let me know what he had decided.

- 10 minutes of corner time each night, with a time stamped picture as proof.
- 5 minutes of touching my pussy - no cumming - each night.
- One week today, I get to cum but only after I film myself with the webcam giving myself 50 spanks with my paddle, and I have to do an extra 10 minutes in the corner.

For all intents and purposes I am grounded until he comes home, on the 14th, because I am not allowed to break my curfew without emailing him first and asking permission, and there is no guarantee of any correspondence from him while he's gone. Although he has threatened to email me with tasks to add to my punishment. He's on the plane for 11 hours and as he put it, "It's bad for your Dom to have 11 hours to think." I suggested he take a book. *grin*

And although it seems really nice of him to allow me an orgasm while he's gone, it's actually not at all. *hmph* It's that he's figured out that to deny me completely shuts off my sex drive all together, but to allow me an orgasm every so often keeps me teetering on the edge of arousal all the time.

Oh, and of course, this is all just the prereq stuff - the real punishment will happen in January when we meet again. I've been told that it will be long and hard and with absolutely no warm up, to ensure that I learn that lying is not tolerated.

The thought of it makes me wet, even though I know that when it's happening I won't be enjoying myself. Well, I will, but I won't. One of the contradictions that make up a masochist. *grin*

I was dripping wet when we hung up the phone last night after he had told me my punishment. It was his words that were along these lines: "You have a curfew and a bedtime, just like a young lady should. Now you have a punishment coming for acting like a bad little girl. It seems that you really do need strict control over this stuff. Every time I give you a little bit of slack you misbehave and act out. I have no problem enforcing this, and you will learn to obey me." Even to remember that makes my clit throb. There is something about being treated like a little girl like this that makes me so hot.

I have a confession. When I was wondering what he would decide on for my punishment, I was running over different scenarios in my head, and one of the ones that I kept coming back to was being given an earlier bedtime for a set number of days, just like a little girl. Having him phone me and put me to bed at 8:30 or 9 o'clock and have him scold me for being naughty and being a grown woman who is being treated like a little girl because she won't follow the rules - oh so wet to think things like that.

Then there is the matter of my "report card." I have been told that to bring home less than a B average is not acceptable. If one doesn't include the three classes I'm in now, I have taken seven classes since I went back to college and I have not earned less than an A-. The problem is that my marks for this semester don't really matter, because I've already registered for SFU. So long as I get these credits, the marks don't matter. It's reflected in my study habits this semester because I haven't done that much. I'm swimming along with an A in philosophy (I think) and probably a B in my other two classes. So long as my essays were okay ... please let my essays be okay ...

Fingers crossed that I get B's. Then last night he tells me that if I get an A average, I will earn two free orgasms. Since these are in short supply these days *growl* I jumped on the offer, even though I know for sure that I haven't earned it for this semester. I tried to bargain that every A should earn me one orgasm but was cut off with, "No. I've decided." Hopefully the offer stands next semester, although it will be my first semester at the big university and I'm not sure how much harder it will be to get good grades.

I'm not making excuses - I'm stating facts.

So I'm off to do my corner time and then put myself to bed to do my touching. My orgasm next week feels like it is a million years away, considering that it's already been a week and a half since my last one. *sigh*