Two more things to add:

When he was getting me off two nights ago, while I was scratching his back, he told me "Shh!" I had mentioned how hot the "don't talk; don't move" scenario had been, and I guess I am pretty loud. I really can't help it though. To help me out, at one point he had his free hand tangled in my hair and he pushed my head down on his cock so that I couldn't breathe, let alone make any sounds. He had to tell me "Shh!" a few times - usually when he gives me an order I try to carry it through until I know that it no longer applies, but that night I kept forgetting and being loud again.

The next morning I woke him up by scratching his back. I really like doing it because I know he enjoys it so much. Anyway, he got me going, then ordered me to play with myself but not to cum, while he put a condom on. Then he placed both of my hands on my groin and pulled up so that my clit was exposed. As he thrust inside me, missionary style, he clamped his hand over my mouth to stifle any sounds I may have been making. That hand stayed there until he came and we were finished. That was hot too.

And now I'm excited and I have no idea when I will be getting some more of the yummy sex. Please maybe tomorrow...

All good things must come to an end

I'm being melodramatic but still.

We spent yesterday afternoon and night together, and went out for breakfast today. Not only that, but he agreed to come watch the game with myself, Y, and M. Fantastic. Y had cooked a pork roast with veggies and coconut rice, and S decided that he wanted to do dessert so we got the groceries and headed over there.

We were fairly flirty with each other - or at least, I was flirting with him. He was ... flirting but in a "don't irritate me anymore" kind of way. For example, I pinched him when he said something (probably to make fun of me *lol*) and so he grabbed my inner thigh. Hard, so hard, that it feels bruised even now. When I pinched him again, he put me in a wrist lock and said, "No more pinching." I know that tone of voice - keep pushing the line if you want the consequences. I didn't. I was feeling ... something, that made me not want to push that line too far.

He made dessert and not only was I not allowed to help, I was banished to the living room. I was standing in the kitchen with Y, looking at the frog, but it was allowed because I wasn't watching what he was doing or interfering. I tried to snag a piece of pineapple off the plate and he pretended to spear me. When I continued to stand there, peering around the corner and watching him, I got the raised eyebrow and the nod of the head to the living room. I went.

After dessert, I asked if he would come down to the dungeon with me to look at the spanking bench. I wanted to know if it could be altered so that the pieces moved, allowing for different sized spankers to fit comfortably. This particular bench was created for Y specially so it fits her dimensions but it's slightly too big for me. I draped myself over the bench to demonstrate how I wanted it to be moved, and he simply said that yes, it could be made like that, and then moved to the door. I said, in a slightly pouting tone, "You missed a golden opportunity there." His response: "What, to spank you? Not so much missed as ... declined." That sounds a lot meaner in writing than it did when he said it - it was said in a flirty, keep me wanting it kind of tone. However, as I pointed out to him, I was promised a spanking for picking him up at the airport yesterday, and I still have not collected. He didn't respond and I didn't push it.

There was something earlier but I don't remember exactly. (I smoked a joint with my upstairs neighbour so I'm a little stoned at the moment.) I think it was when he was duplicating the wrist grabs that I absolutely cannot free myself and I said that I was going to learn how to get free from it, and he said, "Oh you think so, do you? But you don't choose when you get free, do you? I do." That was pretty hot, actually.

I already knew that I wasn't staying the night with him. He had told me that right at the beginning of the night that he may have work for tomorrow and his buddy or boss or whoever is going to call him in the morning and let him know. He's also still feeling on Ontario time which would mean that we got up around 11 but we also left Y and M's house at 2. He said he was still pretty tired when we were in the truck on the way back to his house. I took a breath and a chance and asked what the chances were of me staying for a little while at his house, taking my clothes off and romping around with him on the bed. He said, "Honestly?" I raised my hands in disgust although I think it came across as, "Please," and he said, "No. I don't want it."

I'm trying to stay rational here. I know that he is the type of person who simply says it how it is, and that he didn't mean for it to sting the way it did. It's just - I don't want it and I don't want you are pretty much interchangeable in this sentence and that is hurting a little. I feel as though perhaps I was a little too blatant tonight in my flirting (although the night he met me I was wearing hardly any clothes and I was flirting hard that night) or perhaps the unintentional comments from M and Y made him uncomfortable. Y said that we might as well have been together as long as Y and M because we fight the same. Right now we are fighting over who gets custody of the phrase, "I'm just sayin'" which it is possible that I stole from him and didn't realize it but I like it and I don't want to have to stop using it. He says I must have stolen it from him because he's older, to which I had no comeback at all. I hate it when he does that!! *grin* He said at one point, "I am not hanging out with you tomorrow! This is too much!" when I was using the phrase but accidentally, not even meant to get at him.

(Just as an aside, on a positive note, I know he mentioned me to his mother, because he said that he told her about us sparring together [which was more like him beating up on me and me giggling and trying to get free]. She asked if he hurt me and he said of course not. From how he talks about his mother, it seems as though lying or evading the truth is not an option, so I wonder if she asked if he had met anyone out here and perhaps that's how I came up. I like to think so, anyway.)

He also said that he might be going to Cuba next week with his boss because the movie has most likely been pushed back. I shrugged my shoulders and dealt with it because clearly, if I want to be with him when he's in the city, I can't be a nag about how much time he spends here. I just have to enjoy what I can get.

When we got to his house, I had to come in and grab a small toiletries bag that I had brought before I knew that I wouldn't be spending the night. I didn't bother to take off my shoes or anything, and I was standing in the entryway, trying to control my voice so that he wouldn't realize that he had hurt my feelings by not wanting to have sex with me. First, I don't want him to ever feel bad about telling me the truth. I would much rather come home alone and unsatisfied than find out that he just did it because I wanted it, not because he was into it. Second, I believe that if you ask a question, you must be prepared to deal with any answer you get. I was not prepared for him to not want to have sex, so his response caught me by surprise, but I consider this to be part of taking personal responsibility and so my response is mine to deal with. I didn't want it to come across as a guilt trip or anything. So, I said goodnight and he came over and kissed me - smoochy-type kiss - and I said, "Call me if you go to Cuba." He said, "I'll call you before that," and then kissed me again. I smiled and left, and although I felt like I might cry in the car, I didn't.

That could also be because I'm pretty tired. I'm not used to sharing a bed with anyone, so that kept me up a bit. Also we went to bed at 10pm Vancouver time and I haven't gone to bed that early in a long while, and I also have this annoying habit right now of waking up after about 4 hours of sleep and feeling wide awake. I just lie there until I fall asleep again but last night that was pretty frustrating. I know that things will look better in the morning and I will be able to see his comment in the spirit it was intended - "I'm not into it, not feeling horny, don't have enough energy, I'm too tired, I simply want to have my bed to myself for the first time since coming home." I know that I haven't done anything gigantic that would cause him to not want to see me anymore (like I said, I was pushing to a point, but it was pretty far away from where I would normally have tried to go) and he did kiss me goodnight and say that he'd call.

And so help me god, I am going to let him call me. I am going to take him out of my phone again and I am not going to cave this time. He knows I'm interested but he made an interesting comment yesterday, talking about a buddy of his and a girl that went on a date with him, and apparently she was saying all kinds of things like, "I've loved you forever. I'm so glad we've finally got together," and S was really unimpressed by this. His idea seems to be that it's not necessary to throw it all out there and that it's good to leave some things hidden or mysterious. Therefore, since he knows that I'm hugely interested, he knows that I am loving the sex, and he knows that I want for us to play, I'm going to let him initiate.

I keep thinking of things that I want to write down because I don't want to forget them, but they don't belong here in the narrative. However, I'm going to add them so that I don't forget.

#1: Last night, here at my house, I showed him my toys. While I was getting things organized to leave, he came into my bedroom and picked up my flogger and smacked the end into his hand. It made me shudder because I *love* that sound. Then he picked up my slapper, pushed me down face first on the bed with my feet still on the floor, and hit me three times with it. His comment, "I like the way it sounds." I was already getting away from being able to talk. It's like as soon as he touches me, in any way, I drop into subspace. It's quite crazy. And then he said, "Lets go," and I had to haul myself back up again and try to be normal. I think he finds it amusing.

#2: Last night we were lying in bed, naked except for my panties (which I showed to him and got, "They're alright." Grrrr!) and I was stroking and scratching his back which he loves. Suddenly, he grabbed my hair and brought my lips to his and kissed me, then proceeded to bite my lower lip so hard that it made me whimper. He did it four times, then suddenly released me and said, "Use both hands on my back," and turned his head away from me. I had dropped so far into subspace at that point that I could barely breathe, let alone respond, let alone do anything but obey. I *love* being there. He stretched his arm back and got under my panties and worked his magic. He ended up flipping over and I got to do some cock worship (which I wish I was allowed to do more of, but he's the boss) and then ended up straddling him, facing his feet. He stripped the panties off me and then was lightly spanking me, then spanking my pussy, and then using his cock to spank my clit. I was writhing around all over the place, and I'm not sure exactly what happened (because I was stoned and a little boozy) but it felt like he inserted. However, every other time, including this morning, he used a condom and I know he didn't use one this time because I was sliding back and forth to use the friction to cum, and sudddenly, he came. I didn't even realize exactly what had happened until he said, "I don't know what the hell you just did ..." I waited for him to say something else but he didn't so I asked, "Was it good?" His response, "Well you made me cum, so yeah I'd say it was good." I'm not worried about pregnancy because I'm on the pill but I am concerned about sexual health and I wanted to talk to him tonight but there wasn't a good time to bring it up.

I need to go get tested again, because it's been a year since Guns and I went and got the full tests done. I want to know when his last test was, and whether we are monogamous right now or what, and what that includes. I didn't think I was going to have that conversation right away but if things like last night happen, then we must be fluid bonded. Otherwise, his unwrapped cock cannot come anywhere near my naughty bits. I can't take that chance. The thing is, I want to fluid bond with him, so it works out for me.

I would like to have that cleared up before he goes to Cuba, if he actually is going to go. Damn, if he goes to Cuba now for a week or two, and goes to work back in Ontario or the oil fields for March and April, I'm barely going to see him. When we were in the grocery store, he made an innuendo to me about it being easy to make me cum and I knocked something off the shelf because I stopped concentrating. I said that it's only when he tries hard that he gets any response and he said, "Do you really think I try that hard? And look at you, you can't even walk straight just from thinking about it!" That's when I said that I plan to spend as much time with him as I can between now and Monday, when school starts, because after that, who knows? Work here, Cuba, work elsewhere...

He also made an innuendo in the liquor store last night. We were looking at the different kinds of Saki and he was comparing a few kinds, and finally he asked my opinion and I said that I would bow to his superior experience. He said, "It's not the first time you've done that, is it?" I laughed and asked him, "Why is it that I feel like my face is bright red?" and lo and behold, I was blushing.

Okay, so this post has done what I wanted it to do. There is so much positive here that I can't allow myself to go to bed thinking that it's a negative situation. He was honest with me - he wasn't into it, for whatever reason, and he told me straight up. I appreciate the honesty and I appreciate the bluntness. He's interested, we're having a good time. It just wasn't happening for tonight but hey, there's always tomorrow.

punished again...

Lying is bad.

Omitting details? Bad.

Hiding on msn? Bad bad bad.

I was only guilty of the last one ... although, had I gotten away with it, I would have been guilty of the first two. Perhaps it was better that I was caught on the attempt?

I was hiding from Sir because it was past my bedtime and I wanted to check my email to see if a particular email had reached me yet. It hadn't, which kinda makes it worse because now I am being punished. I forgot that he has two msn accounts and I only blocked one of them. I'm not very good at lying and sneaking around, but I think (I hope) that that works in my favour.

Sadistic bastard that he is, he made me wait for two days while he deliberated over my punishment. That's not really fair, though, because he wasn't sure what to do with me. I broke trust. Not a pleasant place all around.

Last night, the night before he left to go on another business trip, he let me know what he had decided.

- 10 minutes of corner time each night, with a time stamped picture as proof.
- 5 minutes of touching my pussy - no cumming - each night.
- One week today, I get to cum but only after I film myself with the webcam giving myself 50 spanks with my paddle, and I have to do an extra 10 minutes in the corner.

For all intents and purposes I am grounded until he comes home, on the 14th, because I am not allowed to break my curfew without emailing him first and asking permission, and there is no guarantee of any correspondence from him while he's gone. Although he has threatened to email me with tasks to add to my punishment. He's on the plane for 11 hours and as he put it, "It's bad for your Dom to have 11 hours to think." I suggested he take a book. *grin*

And although it seems really nice of him to allow me an orgasm while he's gone, it's actually not at all. *hmph* It's that he's figured out that to deny me completely shuts off my sex drive all together, but to allow me an orgasm every so often keeps me teetering on the edge of arousal all the time.

Oh, and of course, this is all just the prereq stuff - the real punishment will happen in January when we meet again. I've been told that it will be long and hard and with absolutely no warm up, to ensure that I learn that lying is not tolerated.

The thought of it makes me wet, even though I know that when it's happening I won't be enjoying myself. Well, I will, but I won't. One of the contradictions that make up a masochist. *grin*

I was dripping wet when we hung up the phone last night after he had told me my punishment. It was his words that were along these lines: "You have a curfew and a bedtime, just like a young lady should. Now you have a punishment coming for acting like a bad little girl. It seems that you really do need strict control over this stuff. Every time I give you a little bit of slack you misbehave and act out. I have no problem enforcing this, and you will learn to obey me." Even to remember that makes my clit throb. There is something about being treated like a little girl like this that makes me so hot.

I have a confession. When I was wondering what he would decide on for my punishment, I was running over different scenarios in my head, and one of the ones that I kept coming back to was being given an earlier bedtime for a set number of days, just like a little girl. Having him phone me and put me to bed at 8:30 or 9 o'clock and have him scold me for being naughty and being a grown woman who is being treated like a little girl because she won't follow the rules - oh so wet to think things like that.

Then there is the matter of my "report card." I have been told that to bring home less than a B average is not acceptable. If one doesn't include the three classes I'm in now, I have taken seven classes since I went back to college and I have not earned less than an A-. The problem is that my marks for this semester don't really matter, because I've already registered for SFU. So long as I get these credits, the marks don't matter. It's reflected in my study habits this semester because I haven't done that much. I'm swimming along with an A in philosophy (I think) and probably a B in my other two classes. So long as my essays were okay ... please let my essays be okay ...

Fingers crossed that I get B's. Then last night he tells me that if I get an A average, I will earn two free orgasms. Since these are in short supply these days *growl* I jumped on the offer, even though I know for sure that I haven't earned it for this semester. I tried to bargain that every A should earn me one orgasm but was cut off with, "No. I've decided." Hopefully the offer stands next semester, although it will be my first semester at the big university and I'm not sure how much harder it will be to get good grades.

I'm not making excuses - I'm stating facts.

So I'm off to do my corner time and then put myself to bed to do my touching. My orgasm next week feels like it is a million years away, considering that it's already been a week and a half since my last one. *sigh*

Complaining

Okay, we're talking about the corner. The place where us naughty little girls have to go to think about our misdeeds and how bad we've been.

I find it incredibly boring to look at the wall, although at least my walls are purple in the room I do my corner time, which breaks up the monotony of white-ness. I find my mind wanders off to lala land and I start thinking about everything and nothing, like what I need to buy at the grocery store or how pissed I am at someone at work. It's difficult to keep my thoughts centred on what a naughty bad little girl I am.

Plus, it hurts my back. I get told a lot to get my nose right in the corner (hate to break it to ya but my cheekbones get in the way of that) and to stick my bottom out, and that makes my lower back start to ache.

And yet, whenever I start to catalogue my complaints about how much corner time sucks, I realize that it's going to be that much worse when my bottom is throbbing and hot, I'm crying and not able to breathe properly, and I'm waiting to be called out so that I can be punished some more. That's when corner time becomes a reprieve, a sanctuary that one wants to hold on to for as long as possible.

I'm just grouchy today because I still have two more days of punishment left until Sunday, when I can stop teasing myself and stop doing 10 minutes of corner time every night. That is, unless he extends the time. But I'm being good so I don't think I have given him any cause to do so. I'm just hitting that point of no longer having any fun obeying and yet realizing that it's not about fun and games; sometimes it's about sucking it up and obeying regardless. Especially a punishment - I don't even want to imagine how he'd punish me if I deliberately disobeyed a punishment instruction.

Corner time on camera

Last night I spent some time in the corner.

There's nothing new in that. I've been talking with a Dom for the past month or so and we seem to be gradually moving closer to a D/s relationship, pending actually meeting in person. He lives a couple hours flight away from me, so we've been talking online and on the phone.

And he's put me in the corner a few times already. Before, it was more as a training exercise to see if I would obey. Now, it's punishment for a deliberate disobedient act of mine. Do you ever have those times when you wish you could take something back? Believe you me, this is one of those times.

He has taken control of my orgasms and even if or when I am allowed to touch myself. He had given me free reign on my orgasms after a couple of weeks of only being allowed one every few days or once a week, so you think I would be estatic. However, the one drawback was that I was not allowed to use my bullet.

I love my bullet. Ever since I discovered vibrators I haven't used my hand to masturbate. He has decided that is going to change, and that he is going to wean me from my bullet. Hence, free masturbation and orgasm rights but no bullet.

I disobeyed the very next day. It was kind of a push, to see if he'd respond, and also because I was frustrated and couldn't get there with my hand. So I used the vibe and of course had to confess, because I'm no good at lying, especially when I feel guilty.

I have not orgasmed now since Wednesday of last week, and I have no idea how long my punishment will last. Every night I have to touch myself for 5 minutes and then kneel in the corner, bare bottom on display, for 10 minutes. I hate the corner, but anyway ...

I bought a webcam yesterday, on his advice, so that we could have conversations online and be able to see each other. And of course, there is the matter of him being able to supervise my punishment.

Last night, after we'd talked for a while online, he ordered me into the corner. I adjusted the webcam so that it was capturing the corner, and then I slowly dragged myself over there and pulled my pants and panties down. It was so different, knowing that he was watching me. He lectured me sporadically for the 5 minutes that he kept me there - I think he was a little lenient because this was the first time we had done this interactively. And to my shock, I found that I was so wet, I was literally almost dripping from my pussy. I found myself hoping desperately that he couldn't tell, that the camera was too far or at the wrong angle to capture this.

I ended up telling him when we talked on the phone afterwards, as he made me touch myself for his pleasure. I was so aroused I was begging him to be allowed to cum. In this there was no leniency. Instead, I was ordered to spank my pussy a few times, so that I could get an idea of what is coming to me when we meet in person.

Unfortunately, I've changed the plan from a lovely getting-to-know-you spanking to a punishment spanking the first time we meet. That means no warm up and it's going to be very sound, so I've been told. And my pussy is going to be spanked as well as my bottom, with his hand and with his strap. I'm quite nervous about the whole thing and I know I will be a very sorry little girl afterwards.

It's one of those things that I wish I could take back. One stupid moment in time with the vibe has been causing me a lot of unsatisfied arousal. However, the one good thing is that now I know that I cannot get away with being disobedient, especially when it's deliberate. Perhaps if it had been an accidental thing, he would not be punishing me so much but he told me that he wants me to learn now that he does not put up with deliberate disobedience.

So I get to squirm my way through my days, getting wetter and wetter when I remember our conversations and the things that he's said to me, and I know that there is no relief in my near future.

In fact, I have a feeling that there will be many ways he can use the webcam to embarrass me, expose me, and arouse me. The ideas make me nervous, give me butterflies, but my body betrays me and I'm getting wet again ...