I caved. Who's surprised? Not me.

However, it was because I had to literally shove my casual fuck buddy out the door tonight after he came by to visit and try very sneakily to get me into bed. I was having none of it. I explained the situation, got his advice on it which is always extremely helpful, and then told him that if I want S to be worthy of trust, I have to be trustworthy as well, and I sure wouldn't feel trustworthy if I had sex with someone else right now.

Besides, the only person I want to have sex with is S. The idea of having it with anyone else makes me feel kinda squicky. And it was nice to have the upper hand on R for a change and to stand my ground and say no.

His advice was the same as Y's: tread softly. Don't get too involved until the divorce papers are signed. And don't trust anyone. That last one is always reiterated because I used to have the opposite problem than I do now - I used to trust blindly and got hurt badly because of it, and R was the one who picked up the pieces and put them back together for me.

Anyway, he left and I felt like I really wanted to talk to S because here I had turned down something because of him, and I wanted to reassure myself that it's worth it. He sounded really happy to hear from me, but it was a quick conversation because he was downtown with a buddy, getting ready for a night of heavy drinking. His buddy has some pregnancy issues and apparently called S up and said, "Lets go drink." I didn't keep him on the phone because I didn't want to intrude, and again, I don't want him to feel like I'm holding him back or tying him down. I did ask about Cuba but he said he would know tomorrow and it would be a last minute thing. He said he'll call me when he knows what's up so maybe this time I can wait for him to call me ...

Wishful thinking, probably. I have just so much patience and then I have none, and it seems I hit the "no more patience" zone before he thinks to call me. *sigh* The good news is, he sounded happy to hear from me. I really need to stop stressing out and just take it as it comes. Does there need to be more than that he was happy to hear from me? Right now, no. It's enough. It's making me smile.