I saw S tonight. Traffic was terrible and so I called to see what he was up to, hoping I could drop by and hang out for an hour or so before heading across the bridge. He was home but was planning to go to the store, but he said no problem, come on by. When I got there, he was on the phone with a friend, and in the course of the conversation that I overheard, he asked his buddy to find him a female Japanese roommate. Hmmm.

He got off the phone and asked if I would like to go to a movie, specifically "Night at the Museum", because he knows some of the guys who worked on it. I said sure, so off we went. He told me on the way to the theatre that he is thinking of going to work in the Northwest Territory at the diamond mines because they are looking for drivers. Dammit. There's no work here and there's no work in TO, so he's scouting out to see where he can make money, and since they pay for room and board while you're up there, everything is spending money. He still says that he wants to make Vancouver his base, but who knows. Definitely time to start disattaching.

We giggled our way through the movie and then headed back to his house. On the way home, I asked him what was necessary to get him to smack me around a bit. He hemmed and hawed a bit, but I told him I didn't want any "dodge and evade" tactics. He tried to pretend that he doesn't use them but please! We both know he does! He finally said that it has to be spontaneous because otherwise it takes the sting out of it, "you know?" I said, "Mm, no not really, but okay..." He replied, "But don't let this stop you from getting others to smack you around." I reassured him that I was not worried on that point but that I wanted to know what it was like with him. Ohhhh...

He invited me in for tea, so we sat and drank green tea and talked some more about cooking, one of his main passions. I said that I thought it would be fun if we could cook together, so that I could try some of these recipes, got 'the look', and said that I knew it wouldn't happen, just that I thought it would be fun.

While I was sitting there I realized that I couldn't handle it if I were to get rejected again, so I decided that I would leave before he kicked me out or it became an issue. Also, I'm staying at the parents' house tonight and my mother would have started to wonder what had happened to me if I never came over. So after multiple tiny cups of green tea, I said that I should get going and put my shoes and my jacket on, and hoisted my backpack up. And then we got into an actual conversation because he asked where my parents live and so we talked about the area (he's visited the parks close by so he had reference) and then we talked about why my dad had to go back east (to visit his mother who is not doing so well in a nursing home) and then we talked about how he wants to go (in Thailand, get shot and put on a raft and set afire, like a Viking-type thing) and how he doesn't want a funeral. Kinda weird stuff but actual conversation, not filler stuff like we had been doing the whole time over tea.

He hauled himself to his feet and said, "You're making me get up, hey?" so I quipped, "Well if I can't get you up one way, I'll do it another." It took him a second to get it, but he chuckled and gave me a smoochy-kiss goodbye. I said, again, "Call me if you go to Cuba!" and he said, "I'll call you from Cuba!" Ha ha. He said for me to drive safely, and that was it.

The strange thing was, I really didn't feel any sexual tension between us the whole night. Guns thinks I'm being greedy because before I was saying that I wanted us to hang out and not just have sex and now that that has happened, I'm complaining, but it did feel a little strange tonight. Could have been because he's tired and sore, and so am I. Still gimpy. Limped my way around school today and it wasn't the greatest thing ever, let me tell you.

It just concerns me that the last two times we've hung out, there's been no sex. I even said, while we were drinking our tea, that I felt like I had to take advantage of him for the rest of the time he's in Vancouver because then he'll be off who knows where and back who knows when, but nothing came of that comment.

I know I'm being too pessimistic. I think I need to get some sleep, and it would be nice to no longer be in pain. I'm going to my chiropractor tomorrow to get "unkinked," as I said to S, who said, "That's not really possible now is it?" Guns thinks that maybe he's not as experienced as me (even though I'm not really that experienced but I talk a good game) and so maybe he doesn't want to come across as unexperienced and maybe he's more comfortable doing it as part of sex (like the night before he left town) as opposed to a scene. I dunno. Gotta play it by ear. I just would like some more sex because the sex is just so fucking good! Although if I think about it, he hasn't even been back in town for a week. Maybe I need to just calm down.