No phone call.

I spent the evening watching "Bandits" which I thoroughly enjoyed, and then I had planned to watch the Simpsons, Family Guy, and whatever the funny show is that is after that, then go to bed, because I knew that I wouldn't get a phone call. However, Fox and Global had different plans and they were showing the premiere of 24, which I don't watch. There was nothing else on tv that I was remotely interested in watching so I decided to go for a drive.

I ended up phoning Y and going over there on the pretext that I wanted a smoking buddy. Well, true, but I also wanted someone to talk to - about anything - that would keep me from looking at the time and my silent phone.

It's midnight and I just got home. I have to get up early for work, and then head straight to school afterwards, and I don't feel like I'm going to be able to sleep, but I'm going to go try.

I feel disappointed that my expectation of no phone call was met. Even though I knew that it wouldn't happen, there was a piece of me that was hoping he would prove me wrong. Y asked me tonight if all this is worth it and I'm not yet at the point where I say no, but I guess depending on how long it goes before he makes contact, I may change my mind.

There are just too many unanswered questions that I cannot ask. If he is who he says he is and the reason he's being like this is because of his memory and because he is just getting out of the divorce, then I could see a future if I'm patient. But as R was quick to remind me, "Don't trust anyone." It could all be a lie. He could have just been looking for a quick piece of ass and now isn't interested. He may be somewhat interested but not in anything serious. He might just not be that into me. And all I want to know is: Am I wasting my time? I can be patient if that's what is required but I don't want to hang on if there is no chance. I don't want a repeat of the A situation where, in R's words, I was banging my head against a wall that was never going to come down. If I'm wasting my time then I can walk away or try to be content with simply having a booty call with the best sex I've ever experienced. But if there is a chance that this could develop ...

*sigh* I feel determined this time about not phoning him. I really want to see how long it takes him to initiate contact. He's said that he's a blunt guy who says what he means and I would think that if he wanted me to fuck off he would have just said so, but I also want to know just how long it takes before he thinks of me, independent of any cues from me to do so. I just really hope that it doesn't drag out for ages.

Fuck! I just want to fucking know! Arghhh!!!!!!