My dentist part 2

For those of you who read my post from a month ago or so, I was talking about my dentist and how I was having a fantasy about him ...

I went back today to have my old filling drilled out and a new one put in. I'm not squeemish about the dentist - I just suck it up and think about other things and I usually find it's not that bad.

We were talking about my other cavity that he wasn't filling today, and I asked him if maybe we should as my health benefits will be ending soon. He told me that so long as I floss every day, the cavity will not get bigger. I asked, giggling, "What if I don't floss?" and he responded with a very stern look and said, "Then you pay." Mmm shivers. Too bad he didn't mean the way I wanted it to mean...

So there I am, in the chair, horizontal with my head lower than my feet (y'know how they do the thing with the chair) which always makes me feel disadvantaged anyway, and my dentist is doing his thing in my mouth and I'm ignoring the drill and thinking about my lovely conversation with Sir last night ...

And then Dr Dentist starts telling me I'm a good girl, but in this offhand manner, like how you would say it to your dog. I'm not much for objectification kinks but man, it was hot! I'm lying down, my mouth is cranked wide open, there's all sorts of things going on in there (but I'm frozen so I can't feel it) and Dr Dentist is murmuring "good girl" to me as he continues with his work.

Hot. Hilarious. I was giggling away in my head but managed to keep a straight face (or as much of one as I could in the situation) because I figured he doesn't need to know that I have these kinky fantasies about him, considering he remembers me from when I started going there at 3 years old.

Complaining

Okay, we're talking about the corner. The place where us naughty little girls have to go to think about our misdeeds and how bad we've been.

I find it incredibly boring to look at the wall, although at least my walls are purple in the room I do my corner time, which breaks up the monotony of white-ness. I find my mind wanders off to lala land and I start thinking about everything and nothing, like what I need to buy at the grocery store or how pissed I am at someone at work. It's difficult to keep my thoughts centred on what a naughty bad little girl I am.

Plus, it hurts my back. I get told a lot to get my nose right in the corner (hate to break it to ya but my cheekbones get in the way of that) and to stick my bottom out, and that makes my lower back start to ache.

And yet, whenever I start to catalogue my complaints about how much corner time sucks, I realize that it's going to be that much worse when my bottom is throbbing and hot, I'm crying and not able to breathe properly, and I'm waiting to be called out so that I can be punished some more. That's when corner time becomes a reprieve, a sanctuary that one wants to hold on to for as long as possible.

I'm just grouchy today because I still have two more days of punishment left until Sunday, when I can stop teasing myself and stop doing 10 minutes of corner time every night. That is, unless he extends the time. But I'm being good so I don't think I have given him any cause to do so. I'm just hitting that point of no longer having any fun obeying and yet realizing that it's not about fun and games; sometimes it's about sucking it up and obeying regardless. Especially a punishment - I don't even want to imagine how he'd punish me if I deliberately disobeyed a punishment instruction.

Last night was a repeat of the previous night with two new things, one expected and one not. The first, that I had to masturbate on camera; the second that I was naked while doing so and in the corner.

I feel his control and I'm loving it.

My corner time lasted for the full 10 minutes last night ... at least I think it did. My sense of time got a little messed up and it felt like longer than the night before. It really felt like he was right there with me, and when he left the room briefly, I had no inclination to move a muscle, exactly as if we were in person.

I thought that masturbating on camera would be difficult but as the camera cannot get my face as well as my cunt at the same time, it wasn't so bad. He also removed himself from my sight by turning off the light at his end, so I didn't have the option of watching him. That left me to concentrate on the pleasure that I was feeling, touching my dripping wet pussy. Again, being in the corner and listening to his lecture got me soaking wet. I was so close to orgasm the entire time, which is exactly how he wants me to be, to learn this lesson.

He got me to spank my poor pussy a few times and it hurt from me doing it! I know that it's really going to sting when it's his hand and his strap and his comment was something like, "The strap on your clit will dry that up in no time."

He's away on business for the next week, so it's just me, myself, and I. However, I now feel his presence so much more strongly than before so I know that I will not be tempted to cheat. God, I wouldn't dare!

He's told me that if I do not hear from him beforehand, I am allowed to cum on Sunday night but only once, and only with my hand of course. Last night I was told that using my vibe will now be reserved for special occasions only and so I had better get used to my own fingers. I tell ya, I'm so on edge that it's damn difficult to hold back during my 5 minutes of enforced touching with my fingers. So anyway, Sunday is the night, and then no more touching at all until he gets back and we talk. I can make it. Just four more nights of torture and then release ...

Corner time on camera

Last night I spent some time in the corner.

There's nothing new in that. I've been talking with a Dom for the past month or so and we seem to be gradually moving closer to a D/s relationship, pending actually meeting in person. He lives a couple hours flight away from me, so we've been talking online and on the phone.

And he's put me in the corner a few times already. Before, it was more as a training exercise to see if I would obey. Now, it's punishment for a deliberate disobedient act of mine. Do you ever have those times when you wish you could take something back? Believe you me, this is one of those times.

He has taken control of my orgasms and even if or when I am allowed to touch myself. He had given me free reign on my orgasms after a couple of weeks of only being allowed one every few days or once a week, so you think I would be estatic. However, the one drawback was that I was not allowed to use my bullet.

I love my bullet. Ever since I discovered vibrators I haven't used my hand to masturbate. He has decided that is going to change, and that he is going to wean me from my bullet. Hence, free masturbation and orgasm rights but no bullet.

I disobeyed the very next day. It was kind of a push, to see if he'd respond, and also because I was frustrated and couldn't get there with my hand. So I used the vibe and of course had to confess, because I'm no good at lying, especially when I feel guilty.

I have not orgasmed now since Wednesday of last week, and I have no idea how long my punishment will last. Every night I have to touch myself for 5 minutes and then kneel in the corner, bare bottom on display, for 10 minutes. I hate the corner, but anyway ...

I bought a webcam yesterday, on his advice, so that we could have conversations online and be able to see each other. And of course, there is the matter of him being able to supervise my punishment.

Last night, after we'd talked for a while online, he ordered me into the corner. I adjusted the webcam so that it was capturing the corner, and then I slowly dragged myself over there and pulled my pants and panties down. It was so different, knowing that he was watching me. He lectured me sporadically for the 5 minutes that he kept me there - I think he was a little lenient because this was the first time we had done this interactively. And to my shock, I found that I was so wet, I was literally almost dripping from my pussy. I found myself hoping desperately that he couldn't tell, that the camera was too far or at the wrong angle to capture this.

I ended up telling him when we talked on the phone afterwards, as he made me touch myself for his pleasure. I was so aroused I was begging him to be allowed to cum. In this there was no leniency. Instead, I was ordered to spank my pussy a few times, so that I could get an idea of what is coming to me when we meet in person.

Unfortunately, I've changed the plan from a lovely getting-to-know-you spanking to a punishment spanking the first time we meet. That means no warm up and it's going to be very sound, so I've been told. And my pussy is going to be spanked as well as my bottom, with his hand and with his strap. I'm quite nervous about the whole thing and I know I will be a very sorry little girl afterwards.

It's one of those things that I wish I could take back. One stupid moment in time with the vibe has been causing me a lot of unsatisfied arousal. However, the one good thing is that now I know that I cannot get away with being disobedient, especially when it's deliberate. Perhaps if it had been an accidental thing, he would not be punishing me so much but he told me that he wants me to learn now that he does not put up with deliberate disobedience.

So I get to squirm my way through my days, getting wetter and wetter when I remember our conversations and the things that he's said to me, and I know that there is no relief in my near future.

In fact, I have a feeling that there will be many ways he can use the webcam to embarrass me, expose me, and arouse me. The ideas make me nervous, give me butterflies, but my body betrays me and I'm getting wet again ...

Profound moment

My Mum wants to buy me a fridge. I have a fridge already but it is second hand and was filthy when I got it. I don't remember exactly how dirty but my Mum does because she cleaned it for me. I had flu and couldn't get out of bed but I had sooo much to do and so she came to my new house and helped me set up and stuff.

And my Mum hates dirt. A whole lot. She saw an ad for a fridge that is on sale and thought of me and my bad germy fridge.

Tonight I was talking with my Dad and I told him that I felt a little uncomfortable with her buying me such an expensive item. I asked why she wouldn't spend the money on herself instead, and that taking such a gift makes me feel like a selfish, horrible person. Fridges are expensive and my Mum doesn't work that much.

He countered with, "It makes her feel good to do things for you. And I guess she has all she needs..."

Then we were silent for a moment, considering this idea.

How many of us can say that we are happy with exactly what we have? And that if we were to have some spare cash lying around, it would make us more happy to spend it on a loved one? To do something incredibly nice and generous for someone else and ask nothing but love in return.

We both teared up a little bit. It was a profound moment - be happy with what you have.

Personality tests

I was discussing with a good friend of mine the advantages to knowing your own personality type and of the people you are close to. Imagine no longer being irritated with your mate because they seem to shut you out at times and need to be by themselves, but understanding that they need that time to recharge their batteries to be able to deal with the world? That's just one example; we came up with lots of ways it could be a good thing, in personal relationships and in working ones.

In fact, my Dad told me that they recently did the Myers-Briggs test in one of his meetings and how interesting it was to see where everybody fell.

I myself am an ISFJ - this means Introverted Sensing Feeling Judging. It's scary how well it fits, too.

It's good to know the things you need and the things that you need to be careful for. For example, my type needs to be more open to accepting ideas that seem to go against my value system. If we do not work on this, we can become closeminded and cut ourselves off from new experiences to preserve our happy bubble of "things that agree with us." <-- my wording, not the technical jargon. *lol* I know that I have a tendency to do that, and it was interesting to read something concrete and realize consciously the negative effects that it can cause. So happy testing, everyone. Hopefully you'll learn something new about yourself.

For anyone who is interested, they have a free test at this site: http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes1.htm

And they have great information about the 16 different types at this site: http://www.personalitypage.com/

It's been too long since my last play session and I can feel myself getting edgy. It doesn't help that I have been chatting with a man who is all about OTK spanking and we seem to have the same ideas about spanking and severity and implements ... problem is that he doesn't live here. If he did I imagine that I would have thrown myself across his lap already and begged to be spanked hard - and if I understand him correctly, he would be more than obliging! *wink*

But I have all this pent up emotional energy that I don't have an outlet for. And my need to let someone else take charge is building. I tried to explain to my brother the freedom I feel at not having to make decisions when I am submitting to someone and he could only respond with "But you're so strong! How can you like someone else to be in charge?" I couldn't verbalize very well how I feel balanced at giving up the control in my personal relationship because I am so much the person in control at work. I am the go-to person, the fix-it person, the person who holds it all together, and I love that, but it's exhausting. To be able to come home and relax, knowing that I only need do what he expects me to do or asks me to do, creates the balance and fills me up with peace, leaving me able to go back to work refreshed.

Unfortunately, these days that need is also not getting met. I am so overwhelmed from too much stimuli that I came home from work today and took a two and a half hour nap. I don't want to answer my phone or talk to anyone today because I need to recharge my batteries and lacking a spanking to force all the emotion up and out of me, silence and tranquility are the next best options.

But damn, I can't help imagining a spanking with this guy. Wood paddle, leather paddle, plexi type paddle, rubber paddle (sounds big and bad and exciting), maybe a little cane ... I'm like an addict. I want a fix and I want it now! *lol*

I must have a huge neon sign above my head that blinks the words "She's kinky!" I cannot believe how many times things have been said to me that hit a little too close to home.

Example: last semester I was in one of my philosophy classes and we were having a class discussion about something or other. I am very vocal in class and never afraid to share my opinion (and never afraid to admit when I'm wrong either - good trait for a philosophy major. Logic can be a bitch sometimes! *lol*) So anyway, my prof was giving us an example of the problem and he said, "So say that someone - let's say dawn - actually likes pain. Then what?" I almost swallowed my tongue. Woah so did not see that coming!

Example: a girl at work loves to smack me on the ass. She does it all the time in a friendly "I-love-you" kind of way. She has no idea that I'm a slut for a spanking. She just likes to smack me.

There's more but I can't think of them at the moment. I just think it's funny. Maybe I give off a vibe? Maybe it's because I'm really open about what I do that I slip things in, subconsciously?

Embarrassed at work

Someone made me blush today.

It's hard to embarrass me. I can be embarrassed for other people, if for example I'm out with a friend and they are being rude to a customer service person. I feel embarrassed for them that they were never taught better manners.

But for myself? It's rare. As an illustration, let me tell you that almost everybody who is close to me knows about my love for spanking, and the really close ones know that I am a submissive and a masochist. I don't keep much private. I'm not embarrassed by who I am. In fact, I quite like me. *grin* And of course, there is the lovely embarrassment when a Dom "forces" me to tell him my intimate fantasies - but that's different. *wink*

Two steps up the management chain at my work is a man who I used to work directly under, about five years ago. We got along great - very good chemistry for a working relationship. He was having a meeting with my direct supervisor (neither of whom have managed me for very long) and he said to her, "Just to let you know, sooner or later you're going to piss dawn off." She told me this today and I started laughing really hard (because it's true and we both know it) and then she said, "Oh you're blushing! I never thought I would see you blush!"

People have this idea that I am this big scary mean person and yet I'm not in the slightest! And it's not that he was implying this or that she believes it either - but people do tend to worry about me being pissed off. I think it's because I value competency so highly and it irritates me when people are incompetent and don't care. And don't try. And don't ask for help! Argh!

I just thought it was funny that some simple words of truth could make me blush. It's not that I'm ashamed of my inablility to be tolerant of stupid people. I don't think I need to become more tolerant - I think common sense needs to become common again. And I guess I haven't changed too much in five years if he could still hit the nail on the head without even speaking to me in about a year and a half.